Let me ask you, do you ever have shit days? Days when you hate what you see in the mirror, or you feel immensely lonely, or your relationship just isn't working, or you feel like you're never going to get that business off the ground? Days when the lump in your throat or the knot in your stomach or the ache in your chest hover and won't budget?
And have you ever tried to make yourself feel better by saying, “It could be worse”?
Have you ever compared what you’re going through, to something that seems much more difficult? Do you think anything like, “well, there are starving children in Africa, and my only problem is a little extra weight, so all in all, my life isn’t that bad”?
Or maybe you've told yourself something similar to, "my friend's husband is really sick, and I have so much to be grateful for, so I shouldn't let my job bother me."
If so, then there is something you really need to hear...
Almost all of us, at some time or another, have tried to down play how bad we feel about something by using the “it could be worse” technique.
We do this to try to make ourselves feel better, we try to gain perspective, and that’s ok - but only if it actually helps you feel better. What I find in most cases is that it doesn't work that way.
It’s like going to a doctor with a big gash in your arm, and the doctor looks at it and says, “I've got a patient next door that lost his arm. So, it could definitely be worse.” Perhaps true, but that doesn’t help your arm. That doesn’t make you feel better. And doing this to yourself often makes you feel worse.
When you do this to yourself, usually all that happens is that you add a layer of guilt onto your emotions. So not only do you feel bad about your life, but now you feel bad about feeling bad. By trying to tell yourself that this shouldn’t bother you so much, you now feel ashamed because it still does.
So I want you to hear something.
It is ok to feel like shit.
You’re not a bad person if it bothers you. Just like you’re not a bad person if you have a gash in your arm and it bothers you. It hurts. And you’re human.
You are human, and you are allowed to feel bad about whatever it is that makes you feel bad. You do not have to deny yourself those feelings, because those feelings are not wrong. They are not misplaced. You get to say, you are allowed to say, “I don’t like this. This sucks.”
Embracing those feelings, rather than denying them, is not only much healthier, but ultimately feels so much better than trying to push them to the side.
By allowing yourself to feel those emotions, you will begin to figure out how to move through them. You are not going to heal them by avoiding them or denying them, or pretending like they aren’t justified. All that does is push those emotions down deeper, and it begins to feel even more uncomfortable.
Just like ignoring that gash in your arm only makes it worse, so it is with emotional pain. You have to look at it. You have to acknowledge that it hurts. And when you do that, you are going to see a different world of opportunity open up to show you new ways to heal.
And it starts with letting yourself say, "this feels like shit, and that's ok", or whatever version works for you.
When you do that, it airs out the wound, rather than covering it up and letting it fester. You are opening up yourself to the possibility that it can heal. Someone or something can now come along and say, "I see that hurts. Can I help you with that?"
For example, if you would like, that could be where I come in.
I see that hurts. Can I help you with that? ...
If you would like my help, I want to offer you a complimentary conversation. We can talk about what hurts, and what we can do that help with that. The conversations I have with people are usually very eye opening, and all I ask in return is your willingness to share your story. If after we speak, we both feel like working together further is best, we can talk about what that looks like. But that is not the point of our conversation. My only intent is to offer you a bit of clarity about this journey that you are on.
So, if that sounds like something you’d like, click here to apply for that complimentary conversation.
Regardless, just remember, it’s completely ok to feel like shit.
Sending you so much love,